My poor garden is under an assault the likes of which I have never seen. In all the years we have been gardening, the deer have periodically visited but not to the degree of wiping out the garden like they have this year. Last night, we came home to a large buck dining impudently on our bean, having already visited the tomatoes, broccoli and zucchini; all of those plants were utterly destroyed and may not recover. The kicker was their decimation of Bob’s beloved butternut squash patch; he turned to me and, quoting Bugs Bunny, said,
“Of course you realize, THIS means WAR.”
Hell, yeah.
Feeling like someone closing the barn door AFTER the horses had run, I dutifully sprayed the remaining skeletal stalks of our garden with the deer NO NO spray (made of putrefied eggs whites, garlic and hot peppers), which works only most of the time Then we sadly went into the house and made plans. Could we actually shoot deer in our own property? Yeah, but then what? It’s not as if we could eat the chemlawn-grazing varmints. How could we scare them enough? We fantasized about fences with high voltage (fry them buggers!), high-powered sprayers (to pummel those pricks), or at the very least gorgeous 9-foot iron fences and gates around the gardens. Seeing no unclaimed piles of cash around, we decided, with the help of Uncle Woody, that a pneumatic air pump pellet/BB gun might just do the trick. WallyWorld had what we wanted (despite the fact that I NEVER go there if I can help it, I did recognize that they were the most likely purveyors of what we needed), and we easily supplied ourselves with the necessary tools for our FODC (fuck off deer campaign).
Pneumatic gun? Check.
BB pellets? Check?
Dayglo orange hunting cap with matching bib? Not so much.
Of course, Bob was hot to begin his campaign the very moment we returned from our spree. Sadly, we had to wait until dusk and the deer’s normal garden-slaughter time. We waited, constantly glancing out the window. Were we disappointed? No, Siree. Just as the twilight transformed our land into evening semi-darkness came a critter on hooves with a hankering for MY organic veggies! Bob spied him out of the slider window, scrambled for the gun and the pellets, pumped it up (while I restrained the dogs) and managed to get at least one warning shot off the hind quarters of a large damned buck. It was gratifying to watch the buck take off. Unfortunately, we kn0w he’ll be back.
It’s war, folks. And we mean to win. Any all suggestions are welcome!
I’m sorry, but the image of a bloodthirsty Bob armed with an air gun is hysterical. I mean no disrespect – I know this is serious business for you two – but still…
I’m also sorry, but I don’t think you’ve hit upon your answer. Unless you plan to make this an all-season campaign (which you can’t, given that you’re going to be out of the country for several days AND that, you know, you have to SLEEP at some point), the critters will keep coming back because there’s easy food there – you have to either remove that food or make it entirely inaccessible.
Recognize, as well, that just because YOU won’t eat them, doesn’t mean someone else won’t. I know for a fact that the state police know of folks who will gleefully come an cart away venison created by car; I’m pretty sure that, were you to actually knock one off in the yard (though, of course, that’s not going to happen with Bob’s pop gun), SOMEONE will be grateful for the meat. If I’m not mistaken, soup kitchens accept venison donations, too – and local deer cutters volunteer their services to turn the carcasses into cuts of meat for those kitchens to use. Hell, you may even get some interest out of the culinary school…
Good luck. I really do think you’re going to need it….
Canada Bob with a popgun IS funny.
No, this isn’t THE answer, but it’s a start to scare the deer, by stinging them with the bbs, which is the beginning of the campaign. There are other options we are exploring, ’cause like you say, we aren’t manning watchtowers or anything, such as high power sprayers and very unpleasant (to deer) smelling topical deterrents (far smellier than the stuff I have been using).
Clearly, the pop gun won’t kill a deer, but if the dogs happen to take one down, I will make inquiries at to getting the best use out of the meat. AFTER I do a happy dance.
I so hear you! It’s amazing how quickly a cute little whatever turns into that damned, hated whatever. We put up a solar electric fence. For just over $200 we have up to 5 mile potential. It’s quick and easy to install, can be taken down for the winter if you don’t want to look at it (our garden is the front yard), and costs nothing after initial installation.
This thing gives off a potent but not lethal shock. I’ve rubbed against it with nothing more than a yelp of, well, shock. The dog learned quickly to stay clear, and the deer will too. We got it at Blue Seal Feeds. You’re welcome to come up and take a look if you like. The one we bought is rated for large animals. Farmers use them to contain cows and pigs as well as deter wild opportunists.
Unfortunately, shooting the deer won’t solve the problem. Your offering a veritable smorgasbord, another will find it soon enough. You’ve also discovered the other drawback to sprays. Not only expensive, they have to be applied after every rain. You’re completely exposed during a extended rain or drizzle.
I have run across info about natural fences too. Hawthorn is great, but not the quick fix for the immediate problem.
There is a great resource you might not know about. Beginning Farmers have an active listserve. Go to http://www.beginnerfarmers.org/ and scroll down to BF Communications for a link to sign up.
Good luck! E-mail we with any questions.
Thank you, Weed Woman! Bob is now searching the internet about solar deer fences, and we may just have a much better solution on our hands, because DAMN! Thanks so much for the link and advice, as well.
MMMMMMMMMM! Bambi Burgers……. oooooooohhhh
watch for public service blogging on how to properly clean a dear.
heh.
[...] was completely freaked out by turning the corner and finding them in his yard. Since, unlike Ogranic Mama, I don’t have any vegetation I feel the need to defend against deer, I enjoyed having them [...]