4 am and I was huddled in front of my computer writing lesson plans…

“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.”
Don Herold

Today, kindly, was a snow day. I say kindly because there was a very pointed lesson in the making for me about the evils of procrastination, which the N’Oreaster neatly obviated. However, when I awoke at 4 and saw that it wasn’t yet snowing, and that the weather forecasters had downgraded the storm, I was pretty sure I was in up to ears in OH SHIT.

I went to bed last night with nothing significant planned for either of my class, that sure of the inevitability of the coming storm.

Yesterday, I knew I had a long list of things that needed getting done, first among them, for my critical thinking class, the researching and writing and then the planning of a lecture about the Myers-Briggs personality test and and personality testing in general, the accuracy of said tests and the implications and controversies, etc. I had to come up with activities and discussion prompts and I… put it off.

What was so fascinating was watching myself be physically unable to sit still long enough in front of my computer and get what I need to do done; I instead ran around doing all sorts of things that wanted doing – I filled the fish tank, unloaded the dishwasher, vacuumed under the table, loaded the washer – and studiously avoided my desk and the things that needed doing. I think I was displaying a textbook case of the pathology that is procrastination and while I giggled as I undertook task after task of regular household things, I was very aware of the aversion field I perceived around my work.

This morning – in the ugliest, darkest part of the wee hours, I crept downstairs to check the list of closings and was dismayed to find no mention of either my little community college, or the girls’ school; I imagined working feverishly until 6, getting my daughters up, helping them make the lunch they’d laughed off the night before, and then when they were on the bus, working some kind of teacherly magic on my bare-bones plan. I imagined myself standing before my 36 students (one dropped) hyped up on coffee, winging it. It was such a sobering little imagining.

So, I found the information I needed, from several sources, and cobbled together a lecture full of discussion questions, group debate and writing prompts. It was chilly in the pre-dawn office and I tucked my legs up under my shirt like I used to when I was 8. And I got some great work done, because it is really interesting stuff, but you know, NOT at 4 o’clock in the morning.

At 5, I found that the school closings numbered in the upper 500s, and I was relieved. But it was a relief I didn’t deserve, because I had been so ridiculously inefficient the day before. I cut it way too fucking close and I am angry at myself for this. Yes, I am being harsh, but I am also completely clear that procrastinating is something I learned to do, like biting my fingernails (which I fortunately UNlearned a long time ago).

This almost teaching on insufficient sleep and with a good, but desperate lesson plan (and NO lesson plan for my second class), was a message I am going to do my damnedest to stay mindful about, because I can’t stand this series of bad habits. It is an AFGO, another fucking growth opportunity, and I am determined to get it this time.

No more putting it off.

You tell ‘em, Bart.

Credits and credits