The Staggering Spectrum

I refer to the vast gulfs that separate those academically able, and those who should not be in college.

Yesterday, in my public speaking class, I gave the students an opportunity to put together an impromptu speech, and I provided a random topic on each of the 14 lined note-book pages I handed out. My instructions were to put together a short, organized (zingy opener, intro, body, conclusion) speech on the topic I’d provided, or one of their choice. I cautioned them to use good grammar and word choices (no, “My mother don’t cook,” or “SPEECH Yo!”) and suggested strongly that they be professional and handle the topics seriously. I gave them 15 minutes or so to work.

The topics I’d selected were ALL generic and varied from things like thunderstorms, rock concerts, college life, music, road rage, stand up comedy, breakfast, road trip.

Three speeches stand out for their coherence, their breadth, the speakers’ attention to detail and deliberation, while the others were notable mostly for their complete lack of actual substance. What could have been a fun exercise - and HAS been in the four other classes I’ve used it - was mostly a view of the south end of the spectrum. Let’s visit the academic pits, shall we?

Let’s call the first student Carla. An older lady (hmm, about MY age. Shaddup) back in school to pursue fashion design, she sauntered up to the podium on her six-inch hot pink heels and announced she was going to talk about thunderstorms. I anticipated an anecdote, some reference to her children and their either fear of lightning and the big booms of thunder or love of watching the electrical show… Moments after she opened her mouth, I had to fight the urge to scream: “I love thunderstorms, especially when I lived down in Florida because my friends and I would drop acid on the beach in Pensacola and watch the lightning…”

“EXCUSE me? Back up, Carla, Rewind, DELETE and start over! Are you kidding me???”

Without the merest hint of chagrin, she began again, concentrating on the experience pertinent to her topic, but she had already failed the exercise, certainly the judgment of what’s appropriate and what ISN’T, dammnit.

Two others mentioned the illegal or seriously questionable things they;d got up to: Miss “College Life” attempted to talk (in slangy, ungrammatical language) about how easy it was to get fake ID so she could get drunk (not, go drinking, just get wasted), and how the cops were always watching; Mr. “Rock Concert” only mentioned how much fun it was to stagger around drunk with other drunk people.

While I briefly considered taking my own life in protest, Mr. “Music” got up and launched into a concise, impassioned overview that went something like this…”Music has been a vital part of humanity since the dawn of time, when our own heartbeats set the rhythms of our lives. From tribal warfare drums to the bagpipes of the highlanders going to war, songs of passion, protest…” It was gorgeous and I didn’t want him to stop talking.

Mr. Stand-Up Comedy” did a similarly comprehensive and eloquent job at putting together a short, extemporaneous speech. He talked about how humor and laughter are humanity’s cornerstones and mentioned the icons of comedy and how much humor and satire reflect and shape our culture.

Finally, Miss “Road Trip” got up and talked about how to run your car for best efficiency, mentioned the high price of gas and the hot topic of small and or hybrid cars, how college students consider it a challenge to drive long distances, and where she would go if she had the time, never mind the money.

For the effort these last three showed, I was delighted. Yes, these are the most academically capable of my current classroom cohort, but beyond their significant advantages, they handled their assignment with respect. Many of the rest of the class are examples of the kinds of students a college with no entrance requirements other than a student loan attracts. These students at the other end, for whom the college is one of the only affordable options, I am sincerely grateful.

I sent them all this email this morning.

I wanted to thank you very much for taking the impromptu speech seriously yesterday and doing such an excellent job displaying what the exercise COULD and SHOULD have been about, instead of exploring the “illegal activity of the day” theme; you three stood out for your conscientiousness and passion and I am personally thanking each of you for being the kinds of students for whom teaching is interesting and worthwhile.